Wit & Wisdom – Karl Popper

“The aim of argument should not be victory, but progress.” – Philosopher Karl Popper

Victory is great in games. When you sit down to play a board game you play to win. When the Giants and the Dodgers square off against one another on the baseball field they both employ a strategy and tactics to ultimately defeat their opponent. The game will end with one team being the victor and the other team will be the loser. The possibility of losing comes with the price of admission to play the game. It is an accepted reality.

However, arguing is not a game. The same rules do not apply. Particularly in the context of a relationship or a marriage. Do you want to employ strategy and tactics to defeat your spouse or partner? At what personal and relational cost do you pay to “win” the argument? Is “winning the argument” even possible?

Here’s a theory to test in your relationship: people value understanding more than they value agreement.

To prioritize understanding is to prioritize hearing where each other is coming from. How they are feeling. What they are thinking. What is motivating them? It is prioritizing the other over your own agenda. And when that is accomplished trust develops. And when there is trust, there is a better chance of reaching compromise and finding solutions.

How would your arguments be different if you seek to understand your partner more than you tried to convince them to agree with you?  What new solutions could be discovered to the problems you face if you trusted one another to work together? The progress you both make could be pretty significant. And you’ll both likely forget about trying to “win” an argument.